Mundane Nothings

Yeah, suddenly felt the strange urge to word things out, before I end up forgetting these salient moments. I had a funny conversation with my autistic kid today. I was in class and since I'm not teaching, why not walk around and help out with the marking of corrections. I passed this fellow's table and immediately realised he was in his own world. He had his papers tucked under his table and the entire table of his was filled with stationery, quite strategically sprawled out and positioned. I could have ignored him, like I usually would, for the fear of having to handle a flare up...but not today. I had that same urge, I just had to speak to this boy. Because he after all did shock the class once when he decided to raise his hands and participate in a random math quiz I had for the class, not long ago. So yeah, I started asking him, why is it that his worksheets are under his table, really, it was more rhetorical than not. I really anticipated no reply at all. Then he looked up...

6 working days to go... I'm getting to the end of things. Right?But I'm not going to jinx myself by already reminiscing about my practicum experience (sordid and not so sordid ones) just yet. I'll wait till it actually docks safely at this harbour. I'm still holding on to that last sigh of relief. It has to come out, right? I'm waiting for that perfect moment, where I can shed every ounce of my worries and strip myself off this ominous presence that weighs me down... Blogging and just allowing my thoughts to unscramble itself, used to be so much fun. It's been reduced to a mere manifestation of measly complains and petty encounters. This is bad. I've lost my mojo. :) I have a feeling he is (its gotta be a guy) just hiding behind that palladium column in that peek-a-boo position, sticking his head out when he's convinced no one is watching him. Come back to me you mofo! I need that jolt of spunk. Makes me smile, despite the fact that it clearly demystifi...

Twenty-five years and my life is still Trying to get up that great big hill of hope For a destination And I realized quickly when I knew I should That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man For whatever that means And so I cry sometimes When I'm lying in bed Just to get it all out What's in my head And I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning And I step outside And I take a deep breath and I get real high And I scream at the top of my lungs What's going on? And I say, hey hey hey hey I said hey, what's going on? ooh, ooh ooh and I try, oh my god do I try I try all the time, in this institution And I pray, oh my god do I pray I pray every single day For a revolution And so I cry sometimes When I'm lying in bed Just to get it all out What's in my head And I am feeling a little peculiar And so I wake in the morning And I step outside And I take a deep breath and I get real high And I scream at the top of ...

This is when things get interesting. A sudden high and then a free-falling low. Imagine that being repeated over and over again. I'm forgetting what it actually is like to feel that moment of temporary bliss. I can no longer smile like I actually mean it. The essence: it's pretty fucked up being me right now. I thought I was strong enough for this, apparently not. Bawling my eyes out never felt better. I wish people could act more humanely and be as honest as their mothers would have taught them to be. It would simply make life less complicated, especially if you are being placed at their fucking mercy. If things aren't right, then say so at the fucking start. Don't fucking smile and tell me everything is fine when it isn't. Ok...to be continued...I can't think when Im breaking down again...

It's been six weeks and I'm still alive. Thankfully. I am so glad to have met the two other girls. Its so nice to have mates who perpetually strive to make each others' day better. And now, since the blasting induction, we have sworn ourselves to secrecy. I never thought I'd be a part of something like that, seriously. It was like being in primary school all over again, as a student that is. It was hard trying to keep a straight face while completing my markings, during contact time. And the sudden dose of guilt from that explosive delight really didn't help at all! What an experience...I'll not forget this anytime soon. :) So, I've still got my work cut out for me and the coming weeks are not gonna get any easier. Take it as it come is all I've got planned. Last week was really nice though. Making boys cry has become second nature to me. At least now I know how to anticipate the exact moment when their tears will come streaming down. That way, I can ra...

Somehow, I think the world would be a much better place when people are more like this Callen kid. Such a darling!

I don't know what week of my practicum this is. I know its either the 5 th or the 6 th . Either ways, no difference made. I'm down and out. For a moment there, I actually felt like a mean marking machine but I spiraled downwards thereafter. I'm so exhausted from all the need to be creative and enthusiastic all the time. The lesson planning is sucking the living shit out of me and guess what, there is no avenue to vent this crap out. I should take up Muay Thai or something. Anything that allows me to beat something up and not get beaten up in return would be perfect. Baking! That's it. I need to bake. Unfortunately, I'm without the luxury of having time on my side. Fucking hell... I am so damn listless right now, its sad! Walking zombie. Pretty much sums up my very existence for the time being. It's going to get worse. I know for sure. Maybe I should have just kick started a career at the interior design consultancy that I oh so coveted for. I'd be like col...