Mundane Nothings

Another day of tuition. This one, i have no problems with. Sometimes, tuition can get u in the butt and seriously inflict mental pain. But not this one, its the other one! Pui! I shan't brood on it, it would only ruin my chilly night. Hmm...I'm contemplating sneaking out to get chocolates. haha. Yeah. Ah, but im too lazy. Moving on. We had it all planned out. We were gonna meet at Ang Mo Kio interchange and take the direct bus to the Zoo. Have a ball of a time with the animals and hopefully locate our sanity and maybe allow a tad of animal instincts to rub off on us. Ok, perhaps its just me... A visit to the Zoo is something spritual man, its not just a walk into an animal's enclosure. Its more like opening up and embracing the norms in the realms of the animal Kingdom. It is a neverending but always halting search. That is, everytime you step into a Zoo, regardless of where you're at, you begin a new journey of self-discovery. The moment you step out, that journey come...

My cravings have kicked in. Yet again... Im craving for everything Homemade and baked in MY oven. My recalcitrant of a stomach refuses to settle for anything purchased over the counter. Na da. She, yes its a female, SHE wants me to get down with the cheese and get dirty with my mixer. The hell. Off to google to grab some priceless recipes, i'm wondering if all these are like signs to my impending future as a housewife. I've been sewing. Yes i have. No thanks to Project Runway. I have this tendency to emulate whatever i see on tv. Which kinda explains why i stay away from the sports channels and starworld as well whenever they are showing TNA and WWE. Oh and the pussycat dolls and Laguna Beach on MTV too.They are too much for me to emulate. One would leave a gapping hole in my dignity the other my bank account. Anyways, sewing it was. I sew on a denim cross over a pair of jeans that has a hole (induced by yours truly in an attempt to texturize it) in it. The end product looked r...

Yeah, true to its signs, the Red army came marching in. Along with its contingent of stomach cramps and insatiable thirst. Man, i really can't imagine what its gonna be like when I'm actually carrying a child. Geez. Fussy lil fool. Anyways, I love Prison Break. I think the entire world should watch it. If not for the meandering plots that keep you seated at the edge of your seat, at least watch it Wentworth Miller. Dear god, that man is as divine as can be. That 'Worth' in his name aint there for no reason man. Aaah, that didnt come out right. Nonetheless, he's just magnifico. You know what, I have a confession to make, I'm now watching Dinotopia on the Hallmark channel just so i could see him. OK him and that dinosaur-genius, Professor Zippo. What? He's cute ok! May not be humanly cute, but nevertheless, cute in his own realm. You know what ladies, don't watch him...The lesser you know, the better. Less competition. "Amazing Race Asia" Good go...

Massive headache yet again. Until recently, i didnt know that was actually an indication of a looming visit from the Red Army. Anyways, Im under the impression that the media has ran out of issues to talk about. A day ago, i was flipping through the channels and one after another i hear the echoes or bloody 'Eating Disorders'. I mean, seriously... Rampant child pornography Social/political unrest around the world Death by radiation- potential WMD Bush's MIA Serial killer in Ipswich ala Jack How did the Male models win the amazing race Any of the above would have been justified. Eating disorders...Bleargh, it makes Nicole Richie look good and Paris Hilton an idol, Mischa Barton the empress and Lindsey Lohan an E.D. symbol. Why are people so obsessed with being thin? I may not be a man, but i think sex wouldnt be that comfortable with protruding pelvic bones and an overt shelf of ribs. Haiz... Girls oh girls. Why the hell are u doing this to your body? You starve yourself of ...

Yyeeeooowwwwww! Its good to be mortally alive in this virtual world. Hibernation was great. I couldnt simultaneously cope with both my virtual life and reality. Hence the hibernation. Nonetheless, when the loads get unloaded and my strength re-established, i am back. Back to being my self-constructed useless, loud mouth bitch. Yes, thats essentially the essence of blogging, isnt it? We bitch, brag and bawl over silly things we pass by in our daily lives. Now, thats the very thing that got those blogging babes famous, right? Well that and their bountiful fleshy/flashy pictures (whichever aplies). Arent they just fodder to these slobbering capitalistic men. Who needs education anyways? Just write like a 4th grader, dress like a pornstar wannabe, dont forget to take pictures, have a blog and post all your crap, add in google ads....and before you know it, babe, you'd have tonnes of singaporean men salivating over you. Aint that just neat?! The magnificent world called Singapore, a lan...

Im feeling suffocated. I can't sign into msn. You couldnt really tell how much technology means to you untill you start losing a piece of it. Im dependent on msn. I feel crippled. Please let me back in. You vicious scheming bastard. You lured me into your sacred temple, got me hooked and then snatches your touch away from me. Sucker. Bloody let me in you bastard! I was once locked out of my blogspot account...and i spent the entire weekend sulking in sheer emptiness. You hate it but u need it. So now, let me in!!! Argh!!! Muthafarker.

I'm back. So is he. He left without a clue and now he's back in my tiny virtual land. I couldnt quite make out the feelings that swept by. But i know, they arent something i'd be happy to harp on. Its a concoction of distrust and skepticism. Unwilling to take down my defences that innately goes to work. I am mystified. Confused. It really isn't that difficult at all really. But the pleasure thats derived from hoping and wanting it all to be perfect is worth the torture, isnt it? The lure of the forbidden fruit. A tale i'd save for another day should i live to tell. School was painful. It was a sheer awakening. A wake up call. I felt like the dorkiest idiot in school. Everyones brighter than i am. So cheerful and driven. I am envious. They are so motivated, its like there is a ball of burning gas that undyingly flames up the path before them. They get light and heat and every other product that feeds on these elements. All i get is a fucking headache. They have aims ...

I have nothing to bitch about. This sucks! I got all my choice of tutorial slots, so miraculously. Cause believe it or not, i have always thought (still thinking too) i am merely fodder to God's twisted sense of humour. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong with me and have always gone wrong with me. Ok, perhaps theres a tad of exaggeration in there, I'll stick with MOST. Most things, not everything ey. So..hmm...err...yes...ok...what else....really....hmmm....errr...yesss...ookay.... Ever got to that point of a conversation? Yeah, it always happens to me. Especially on msn and with strangers who strangely decides to add me into their list. The very fact that I can't see them and they me, should all the more make it easier for one to wade into domains with issues that are not normally dicussed. Hence, providing juicy insights that can be yakked on for hours. Thats probably the very essence of chatting online. The endless ability of opening doors into a world of diversi...

A good day it sure was. I got my dose of long rides on the MRT, something i've missed during my hols. The train ride essentially is the very essence of my life as a student in NUS. I ponder, reflect and actually induce brain activities. I get inspired, driven, enlightened sometimes even stared at in the train. But its all good. Coz at the end of it, somehow, it makes me a better person. At least i think it does. Today, I gave up my seat to a really elderly man. He actually boarded the train, a couple, with his also elderly wife. Now, when i saw elderly, i so seriouly mean OLD. Like, they were stick thin and giving in to osteoporosis or something (no insults intended here), their veins around their arms and legs were overtly visible and their faces were a tad transclucent. Its like the wrinkles and dryness of the skin made the blood vessels and nerves beneath it visible too. Nevertheless, they boarded the train and the lady managed to gyrate herself to a seat beside me, while the ma...

I'm so angry! Think i was just born an angry person. I couldnt quite understand what it is thats making me go mad, Im just angry. There are probably just too many benign little angry atoms all gyrating at the same time causing a huge resonance of anger. I remember how blogging is suppose to help me find solutions to my problems. It works...sometimes....I hope it does now. I'm so darn angry because.... My dad is not giving me allowances just cause i have too much money in the bank! I dont by the way... I have to juggle teaching and schooling because my conscience wouldnt free me from the guilt of dropping my students now. They would all be sitting for a major exam by the end of this semester. I would be the most irresponsible biatch to have ever surfaced if i leave them now. I hate Fabregas for having promulgated to the world that he has been dating a girl for the past couple of years. With that shoking discovery, my sister havent been herself lately. She coops up in he...

"...If i lay here...if i just lay here...would you lie with me and just forget the world..." Is that like sweetest piece of music or what? Somebody, wake me up from this dreamy melodious dimension im thrust into, after having listened to their songs. Snow patrol that is. aaah Moving on. I feel a tad emancipated now that i have been told, my law lecture will be webcasted. I think the lecturer is pretty down to earth, she actually requested for me to call her by her first name, and not madam. Strangely, the same thing happened with my measurements lecturer as well. Its like a growing trend or something. Hell I'm not complaining man. Besides, first name calling bring us all to a plane of commonest. Whatever that means. Basically i feel at ease with them in that way. My language is suffering. I am yet again passing through that stage of being unarticulate. Buggeration! I have so much to say, but so little words to put it down with. The deal here is, after i log off, everythin...

Seriously. I am no longer student material. I will die if i have to do this routinely every darn week. If not physically, at least emotionally. By the end of this semester, i'd be devoid of any emotions. Its really depressing to be heading home when the sun has fully set and the moon is the only light we have. Argh! I cant do this.

He went awol. Yeah. I should have known internet bloody long distance relationships dont ever work out. Oh well, at least i can find solace in knowing the fact that i didnt invest much in it anyways. Lets just let bygones be bygones. Argh! But its frustrating. How can one just flee away after professing ones love for the other? So men are generally of that nature huh? Disgusting. I think i can do without these other specimen of god. Hate them!! Screw him. By the way, Happy Birthday Singapore! I didnt get tix for the NDP thingie. So my family and i we stayed home and glued our eyes to the telly. Just like all the other years when we dont get to be there in person. Actually, i have been praying for it to rain dogs and cats. Yeah, just being a damn sour grape. Anyways, i think the parade was splendid, only because i manage to spot a couple of guapos in parade AND most importantly, someone from the provost unit dropped his rifle! Ahahahahha. That was fun. Later in the performance, for some...

My sister is in a dilemma. It somehow gives me great pleasure having to see her in utter mental pain. *smiles* Heartache too loves company. I cant wait to get back to school! Yippee. Well, happy and gleeful i sure am, at the same time im also pretty pissed with the instituition I'm in. You know, whats with them giving me all this friggen late lectures. LIke seriously late mind you. I Head off to school when the sun has not yet risen and i only head back to school when its all dark. What the hell is wrong with this world? I'm only 21 and I am NOT involved in any underground business that would validate the situation im in now. Buggeration. Damn this shit, man. Next niggling matter would be the bidding shit. Its an obvious agreement that when you are aware that the quota of a particular module has been filled, you move on and ditch your thought of taking that module, or perhaps hold it and appeal at a later date or something. You DO NOT fucking dump all of your pathetic general a...

I can't feel my legs anymore. Apart from the bruises I've inherited overnight, no thanks to that bike falling incident, I now have an addition of numbness and aches. Well, fault me for wanting to walk from bugis to Suntec City. Personally, if i were given a chance, I'd go through all that pain again. Heh. There they were, chatting at the other side of the street. All bald, tan, hawter that the damn weather. Grrrrr. "Check out the troop at 8 O'clock!" I motioned to my sis. And she instantly exclaimed, "Oh my LORD!" Hhahaha. I love Arab Street. Always. ALWAYS. We were headed for Taman Warisan, they had some traditional food fest today. Hehe, so there we were, hanging around and sampling food. Before we realised it, They were there too. Damn, that green lad was friggen hot. Ok, so shutters shut and flashes flashed and my sis very accidentally caught one of the dude on camera. Now isnt that just a sweet souvenir. *smiles* I cant wait to get back to schoo...

I should just learn to trust more of these innately sudden feelings. I went cycling today, most reluctantly so. True enough the sheer reluctance was actually a futile attempt to save me from humiliation. Well, i walked right true it. I was cycling and I lost control while trying to avoid a family of fuckers. YEs. I hate kids. MOtherfucking useless suckers. Like their parents too. Silly old goose going at a snails' pace and did nothing but hog the entire fucking cuclying path. Thank god its hungry ghosts' month. SO now i fucking hope some hungry ghost satisfies his hunger by eating all four of u arses. God, I'm so friggen pissed. What made it really worse was that, there i was lying helplessly entangled to my damn bike, they just exclaimed and rode off. Suddenly at a not-so-snails pace. Bastards! Thats where kids become brats. They take after their parents. For the record, I think Singapore yields the lousiest parents in the entire world. No, this is NOT a manifestation of a...

I see nothing. The thoughts seem clear, but really its a delusion covering up for utter emptiness. Monochrome seem to be the world i live in. Surrounded with either only black or white. Thick lines of different degree of boldness motions around me. I see them clearly, but i know not what they are, who they are or why they're there. I used to care. I used to be a tad more empathetic than i am now. I knew something was amiss when i sensed no sympathy whatsoever for a cat who got itself stranded on the roof. Truth be told, I slept my way through the night anticipating the sight of a bloody mess at the ground level the following morning. My alone time, used to be a timeout i take to condition my mind. Programme it to think not only for its own good but also for the good of others. To never hurt others nor disregard their needs. Now, i just couldnt give a damn. Alone times are now moments when my brain activity comes to a complete standstill. I shut my eyes and along with that, everythi...

Yeah. Been a while. Couldn't quite decipher how i'm feeling now. I told my mum about a turkish friend i have. She seemed astonishingly calm about it. So strange. I'm not quite sure if she'd told my dad about him, but, everyone seems pretty fine about it. Then somehow i feel we are probably not ever gonna last, its just like a passing fad. After a while everything else ends, staleness takes over and i'm going to be back to my lonely self. We'll wait and see. So... my parents have been surprisingly vocal about their future son-in-laws. They want a son-in-law who drives a huge truck/lorry/van, coz that would greatly facilitate our weekend outings to the beach. They voice their sheer anticipation of being able to lug an entire living room to the grounds of the sandy beaches in the near future. What the hell right? Well, I'm always the first to admit that I'm NOT going to be the one with that hubby. My second sister however, seems to welcome the idea with arm...

hmm. I feel good today, coz i gave up my seat to a pregnant lady on the train. I'm all smiles. Well guess what, I have to wait for another 12 days for that gift coz apparently it got sent back to its sender. Yeah, its beginning to manifest itself hasn't it, men's incompetence. Bleargh. He friggen left out my unit number! Like dude, how could you have forgotten that? You know theres this word they have in malay, its called 'Pasrah'. Yeah, I'm that. Aku pasrah menghadapi apa saja keadaan yang menungguku di hujung perjalanan ini. For those who do not understand that, move on... Anyways, I got myself a pair of green coloured contact lenses. Ok, so perhaps i've had contact lenses before this, during my jc years. The difference this time around is that, I bought it without even consulting my parents. I've never done anything like that before, errr, ok, maybe not never. Actually if you disregard the times I pierced my tongue, hung out at the CBD after school, w...

Ok. I had a dream. That one day, when someone woke up from a nights sleep, and i happened to be standing by his bedside, smiling away. He then told me, "Ewe, you are ugly!" Yes. Strangely, in the dream, I walked away from the bed and slept for an entire month. Yeah, a month. What kind of screwed up dream is that? Like knowing I'm ugly isn't bad enough, this bloody conscience of mine had to clock in extra time and steal precious moments from my dreams just to reiterate how ugly I am. How fucking typical! Like it or not, it actually left me feeling a little elevated from reality. I mean, it detaches me from my usual self for crying out loud. I am having serious difficulties living! THIS IS LIVING! yeah, finally DIDN'T get what that steven strait of a guy was yelling about. Damn all this, its just a freaking dream. Besides, half or should i say, MORE than half of my dreams ever come true. I do hope this passes soon. No one is in any position to call others ugly. No o...

Lonesome. The struggle of loneliness. This morning, I watched Brooke Shield on Oprah, ranting on and on about her postpartum depression. Listening to her made me wanna have a baby. If i was made to be alone, at least allow me to conceive a baby oh lord. Won't it be a total head turner to walk into the lecture teatre and seminar rooms in chiffon maternity wear. What a fashion statement! And no, this is NOT some kind of shot gun affair that ended up on the wrong side of sexual pleasure. This is a want, an aspiration to complete myself. Its a different perspective altogether. People sometimes need that extra push in life to prevent one from derailing. This part of the procedure can take many forms, some of which would include downing shots of vodka and getting dead drunk, hitting the gym every week, go for a long getawayor even having a baby, a run from reality and a jab of sanity for ones soul. It makes one complete. A baby being pushed out of me makes me complete... --- i know i kn...

It's been a while. World Cup came and went. It brought the champs out of Italy. I can't contend with that. They were excellent. Goodbye Zizou. It's sad to see you leave on an unpleasant note. But hey, u could only get what you asked for. So the next world cup would be held in South Africa. Another continent altogether and a whole new game to look out for. Speaking of which, my sis is already saving up for a trip to S. Africa so she could catch the next world cup game, without having to squint through pixelated motions. Now hows that for an ambition. I wanna start saving up for that too. But you know me, always wanting to a larger stride ahead of others, I'm a culture vulture who feeds on differences to survive. Now that means, i have four years to make friends with peeps living around South Africa. :) If you are hot, have a six pack, preferably male and willing to escort some chicks from the east in the year 2010, just holler back aight. Well, parents included. Moving o...

If you are seriously dead bored and you've got nothing better to do. Then you can watch Singapore Idol to challenge your threshold for annoyance. Apparently I've got a rather low threshold for that sorta thing. I just spat a dose of raw rudeness on some pinoy guy on the phone. That bastard so had it coming. Anyways, Singapore Idol is thrashy. Its really not worth any attention at all. Enough said. Ha! POseurs. Ok, my spain's out. Sad. France is in though. Happy. Brazil is going to meet France. Smiles. Brazil is going to beat France. Happy/ sad. Portugal is meeting England. Yay. Portugal must win. Please win! I am sick of not schooling! Let the therm start dammit. This neverending vacation is just suffocating. I need to study. I need school. I need the constant streak of hot papa's from the other end of the world, here on exchange. I need to see those bitchy local girls yak incessantly about nothing. Attention seekers. I hate them all, but i need them. Oh well, I'm o...

Today is fathers' day. It was nice. My sisters, mum and i got my dad an Adidas top with 'Brazil' sprawled across its front. I thought it was like the most awesome looking top. Well, truth be told i was majorly motivated to get him that shirt coz i'm sick and tired of seeing my neighbour sashay around with his retarded German kit 24/bloody/7! Its about time someone shove him back in his place! Haha. Oh and we included a leather wallet as well as a card. I love the card, though its marginally crude. Thank god my dad was receptive to the tad of humor. We started off the day at Raffles Place, where we hiked off to somewhere near Fullerton Hotel. This was a stunning place. At least to me it is. I love the serenity it exudes, the plain easeness of the place, at the same time there is that scent of intricate history that you occasionally stumble upon. Singapore. Geez, have you seen those slippers! Hehe. The biggest I've ever seen and it does fit my mum well doesn't it?...

I know i know, its been a while. Aaaah, blame it on WorldCup! Gosh. I soo love soccer. OK, so initially, i placed my bets on France, Brasil and an African nation yeah. Well, after seeing the guys play, I'm changing that. Yes, Brasil i still loike! Then Spain comes next. Well, congrats to them for NOT underestimating their opponents like they did last season. They were muy magnifico. I know Torres is like suppose to work well alongside Raul, but hey, Adios Raul, Hola Villa! That dude is a a scorer man. He seize, sees and shoots! Oh and did i say he is Hot as well? Well yeah, he's HAWT! Ggrrrrrr! So 4-0 aight. Ah my Matadors in full action this season. Moving on to Brasil now. Aaaah, Kakaaaaa. Everyone knew he was gonna score. Pffrt. That was just a kickoff. Its not even the peak yet, he has more to show and so does the team. Ole ole ole ola! Brasil! Brasil! Now for the disappointments. France. Its an ageing team in need of youthful redemption. Clichy, Le Tallec, Sinama, Aliadier...

OK, blogspot took sooo darn long to load. Whats the matter yo? Alrightey, world cup is close to its kick off. By tomorrow everyone would be stocked with their dose of nightly coffee, redbull or booze, whatever works for ya'll. You know, i was sooooo heartbroken when Turkey was ousted of its place in the world cup. Coz, my dad actually bought a turkey flag at some auction in a Pub for like a hundred bucks, last world cup final. I was thus, hoping we could cheer Turkey on, now that we've got their flag in our hands. But hey, they didnt make it. I did contemplate though drawing in a a circle around the cresent and star and hopefully it can pass off as a Tunisia flag instead. Aiyah, but it hurts to have to scar that $100 dollar flag lah. Basket sia. So which team am i rooting for? Well, it depends. Firstly, I just wanna set the record straight here aye, I supported Brazil, Turkey and Japan at the Last world cup. However, I boycotted Brazil soon after the match where that bastard Ri...

Ok, whats been up ey? I've been pretty booked with my tuition. Its really beginning to sink in, and i am having a tad of fun teaching them. Its a really fulfilling experience you know. Teaching and getting paid. I'm not sure about making a career out of that though. Well, for now, its all good. I do not really know when this all started, but erm, I'm now crazy over hindustan films and yeah, the dance routines. My oh my, I just love it! You know, after watching those hot hindi males shake their booties, you'd be surprise how it could actually rub on. Oh well, its hard to explain. You need to experience it yourself man. Its just amazing. I love hindustan! No its not merely an obsession of divine males, its more of an attraction to the art behind whats seen on theh screen. Theres a lot to appreciate. Muchas!

Short entries are meaningless. They are just tiny bits of placebo. SOmething that i could do with now. Im empty. I want to hide from all that is here but i cant, for i live here. Open and bare. As i was saying, short meaningless entries. I do a lot of that when i am short of time and in a hurry to get off. I dont even know why i bother. Perhaps its just becoming a habitual thing to word out some shit onto this space before ending the day. And if i fail to do so, i feel like a sinner. Not that thats a foreign feeling at all. Ok, ive been spending a lot lately. Skirts, pants, tiny tees, bras and panties. You name it. It feels good, sweet pleasurable guilt. Leaves a hole in the pocket but it is nonetheless therapeutic. I hate sounding like this, bimbotic and soo darn vulnerable. But i love shopping. It takes your mind off the pain you have while at the same time stabbing you in the pocket. A painful distraction from the real pain. How nice is that?

I love webcam. I love looking at how i look when i chat. Its enriching! Nevermind. How do you leave your car's key open? Beats me.

Yeah seeking a consensus for the lack of it. ;) Greg Behrent and Liz Tucillo, they are true enlighteners! "Because if he is into you, he will ask you out." "Dont waste your pretty." I so love the way the book is structured. Its really unique and rather moral boosting. Especially so for females who's about had it with the nonsensical antics of the other of god's creation. So guys aren't so hard to decipher after all, its just us making non existant excuses on their behalf. ;) "Lets sleep the sleep that knows no waking..."

Yeah whiny i sure am, jaded too. The all too familiar zest, tanginess, spiciness, that bit of jolt that keeps you moving is absent in me. I'm however not sure when it came but i sure am aware of its absence now. I need that feel. I neeeeed it! Without it, i feel like a nobody, a mere hollow being, a wanderer with no direction. I am a product of my environment. The constant penetration of unhealthy chippings messes up my scheduled brain activities. I need to cut off that supply of poison and get a hold of my head. For goodness sakes, i am my own master. Now that I've even found my own footing, the shutting off of unhealthy inputs should be feasible. Yeah. I feel much better already. Like a load of my head. The other half of it is still pinning down on me though. Perhaps a day at the beach would do me some good. As a matter of fact, I think all these imbalance are a result of the lack of beach-bonding. I miss the sea. I miss being submerged in it. Damn, the last time i was ever s...

I got my results, I didnt fail any, Yay! Ok done with that. Next. When I grow up I wanna be one of the Charlie's Angels. I want to save the world with the special skills I've acquired over my younger years. I want to fight the villains and kick their asses. I would love to race them to the depths of the siberian desert to where the stolen diamonds were planted. Beat them flat and then lift off to Charlie's office for a debrief. Trod through flames, run through valleys and swim through oceans. I wanna be one of the Charlie's Angels!!! At the rate im going, to only skill i have today is my adroit procrastination. So hire me Charlie, I can learn from your girls. Please hire me Charlie.

My throat has been itching for the past couple of days and it induces freakily throaty coughs, i never thought i was capable of letting out. Its just insane. I was helping my sister out with some poem she had to do. And somehow, after giving her some insights, recommendations and what i thought of her poem, she said, "Thats so your style of writing." I snapped my mouth shut at that. I mean, seriously, I have a certain style of writing? Woah. A part of me is just dying to gloat at that flattering comment, the other part of me is just pondering at the extent and the path i took to actually develope a certain 'style' of writing. Nevermind. Dump that. So, I was extensively blog hopping today. It was like I had NOTHING to do at all. But no i had plenty, its just that I didnt want to do them. Oh crap, truth be told, my biological system is suffering a glitch since the arrival of my mum's mother other daughter. Yeah the unwanted aunt. There you go, don't fault me for...

My aunt came today. A surprise it sure was, but not a pleasant one i must say. Well, I dont hate her, but i don't adore her either. We move on a rather distantly neutral note, and are quite far from your conventional aunt-niece relationship. Truth be told, I think her children are blessed with a way better uncle-aunt-niece-nephew relationship than I. Yeah, my parents are wonderful aunts/uncles. Sometimes it leaves me a tad envious of them. Which kinda explains why I'm ALSO distant from them in terms of chemistry and relationship, apart from the inevitable distant, read metres. They live in malaysia and we only meet when we feel like meeting them. You see, we frequent KL, but most of times we would hinder from visiting them and go about our merry shopping spree. Coz spending too much time with them just opens up old healing wounds. I speak for myself here. So thats a part of my severely dysfunctional family. Besides my parents and sisters, the members of the extended family are ...

I love sweet short messages. Been getting some fair share of that lately. So is my sister. Ha! Good nite, I'm tucking in now, take care, sweet dreams, good morning, i'm online now. Ok neglect the last one, thats just a tad anti climax. But hey, you get the drift yeah. The intriguing other is always a wonder to watch. There's so much to speculate despite the very fact that only a smatter of it would ever come true. But dreams they'll be, for dreams spurs me on and they are these dreams that keep me awake so i could fall asleep again, to dream. Sweet pleasureble dreams. Dreams of vision, success, bliss. Short they may be, but still capable of fueling thoughts that go beyond the surface of our movements. Covering dimensions that were once undiscovered and fishing out solutions that are abstract yet feasible... Dream people, for now, it seems to be the most effective dope for survival.

Today, I was awaken by my neighbour's cat! Oh yes, it just sauntered into my ROOM and hopped on to my bed. Can you bloody believe that?! That feline, carelessly walked into the wrong unit and still has the audacity to climb up my bed. Geez. I was still neatly tucked in under my blanket mind you, when suddenly i felt a depression on my abdomen. Opened my eyes and there it was, that furry feline and its pair of marbled eyes. Ok lah, for a moment there I thought it was Christmas and daddy finally gave in to my wanting a cat all these years. But hell no, Daddy was at work and we have not even arrived at June. Buggeration. Oh and thanks to that feline, i actually got up at half past 10. Now that is by far the earliest I've been up this month. ;) Nice gooing. My tummy is having a headache by the way. Yeah, its spinning and throbbing and hurting me so much. If this goes on for the next couple of days, perhaps I could grow immune to its activities. Ne need for doctors and such, coz the...

Lo and behold! I am bored. Bored to the core of my bones. Ok lo and behold again. Muzzy is online. Ok, i feel very much naked after exposing myself on webcam, yes he has seen me. And now he wants my address. Im so screwed. WHats worse is that he has a reason for wanting my address, he wants to send me a Birthday gift!!! If i give him my address, and the gift does arrive, then i my parents will ask where i got this friend from. I would have to say online and they would jump and accuse me of chatting, not that thats even bad, but in their eyes chatting is t he pollution of the mind. Jack Daniel'S says: wht is your home adress Memento Mori says: my home address? Jack Daniel'S says: yes Jack Daniel'S says: yess Jack Daniel'S says: yes Memento Mori says: why? Jack Daniel'S says: i want your home adresss NOWWW Memento Mori says: yes but if you send anything at all, my parents are going to know about you and i will have to explain to them and they will know that i chat and...

My sister thinks I am TAMAK. Well, I'm not always like that ya know. But i cant argue with her when it comes to hot papas. Seriously, being single and devoid of ever experiencing the presence of a sweet divine specimen around me, I am TAMAK when it comes to them. Ah, despite my feminist antics at times, i still covet the touch of the other. THE OTHER. I hate them but i want them. Shameless. Bloody shameless. The mystery of the other. It never fails to intrigue me. How, how do you know if that particular other is the one? The ONE. Is it written all over his face or something? Why is it that its so easy for my friends to know if a guy likes them and within a week, voila, they are together. Damn, I sure am missing out on a part of this peculiar equation. Attachment sucks! I cant read about it from a book nor compare a situation from a given blueprint. Its the annoyance of a lifetime. So TAMAK I will be...

G'day. After two episodes of painful, forceful, torturous push of molten waste, i think i have finally learnt my lesson. I am not made to ingest yellow noodles. That would include Mee Goreng mamak or whatever it is call, yea that fried mee, prawn mee, hokkien mee and all the mee that is of the same period as it is a.k.a dan segala mee-mee yang sewaktu dengannya. It sure sounds better in malay. I should just stick to pastas and rice. My pathetically lonely stomach is pretty fussy. Pathetic and lonely, synonamous to its owner. As I trod down orchard road, I past throngs of couples, hand in hand, endless smiles, fondling hands and active loins. The rage over having the other half beside you... it's really evident with the prevalence of these living artefacts. I hate this. Independent woman. What happened to that idealogy? Why have women grown so dependent on men? Men are known to fleet from one bud to another, with no regard whatsoever to feelings, emotions nor untangible consider...

I've got a week full of tuition, ok its just short of thursdays now. Its not that I'm unhappy or upset about it, i mean even though i do occasionally feel a tad suffocated and lifeless, I like it. For now. A.maths however gives me the creeps. I need to crack my tiny little head just to solve one pathetic problem!! Its frustrating, actually, the part where the knowledge that I'm being paid is much more aggravating. Oh lord, rescue me, no no, give me back the a.maths part of my brains please. Ok, this is insane, my Chris Daughtry has been ousted out of Americano Idola!!! Thats about the most heartbreaking news of the erm...day. argh! Amerriccaannss! He is an amazing singer, perhaps NOTHING like your Ruben or Fantasia or Kelly, in fact better! Ahh, things never seem to go my way! My slutty life. Ok so now, where is that boyfriend you promised me oh god? Huh! We made a deal here eh. You know what, nevermind. FORGET it. Perhaps I should just sell my soul to the devil and get som...

Aspirations N Inspirations. If you have that couple of elements constantly bubbling around in your head, you are on the right track. You live for a reason, not merely because of a mistake committed by two souls at the backseat of a car or after a night's deep of martinis. You need these two suckers to get you to a point where a reason to live is found and not allow misery or hollowness to devour the very essence of your existence. Aspiration, a much needed element to keep you on your feet. You need that extra something or someone who is up there to show their faces and light the path. I know, that sounds pretty cliche and rather idealistic. However, life is designed to work in the most peculiar of ways. It dishes out shit and you my friend are expected to either shield yourself from it or clean up after the mess. The mess, its not merely a materially unpleasant sight, it happens to also include the baggage of emotional and mental mess, distress. Therefore, we need that bit of prowe...

Void + empty + boredom = silly + stupid My exact condition at the moment. I spent my entire half of the day messing around with the cam and I wasnt alone. Hehe... Pea C was doing so as well at the other end of my msn connection. Just taking a time out from the real world. Let the child in me loose, for thats a first step toward embracing inner peace, tranquility, sedation. heh. Who am I kidding...

Exams officially over and trampled on! I got my webcam. So did claryce, and im waiting for her to get online so we could test it out. Suddenly, I'm invaded by that sickeningly void feeling. Where emptiness is your daily meal and its enough to leave you faint. The skirt I was dying to make, the books that I so wanted to read, the language I was so hyped up about learning all seem so distant away and yeah, kinda foreign. Like a schidzo i am! Argh. Now I'm bored.

I am going to sew my self a skirt! Hell yeah. I've seen too many episodes of Project Runway to stop me from sewing myself toward insanity. I have a concoct of colours and designs all strung up, up there, but I cant quite get things together though. Despite all that, I am going to design me a skirt I can call me own. So why skirts? Why not scarfs or socks or tinier stuff? Well, for starters, skirts are easier to visualise. Its like building a vertical tube or a tunnel orientated vertically. Besides, the materials used for its fabrication can be manipulated according to one's individual taste. Yeah, and I love skirts, for now. Especially Gypsy skirts cause its not really widely exploited here. Meaning... NOT many peeps are using it here. Bleargh, I am so sick of walking down the streets and stumbling upon an entire army of people with clothes similar to mine! Its frustrating. I have always been different. Different in both good and bad ways, and I'm not about to make this poi...

A bloody crowded day. I realise I'm not much of a crowd person. I hate crowds. Too many people, too many air snatchers, too much carbon dioxide for your own good. When there are too many people, the least attractive of all attributes tend to lurk out and irritate me. People shove, push, smell bad, conscious or unconsciously. I despise that state. The state of being sandwiched between the worst of civilisation. Bluiek. Pardon me, but i just cannot angkat that man. Nevermind all that. Campaigning is on full swing ey. Bleargh, i really cant be bothered. My sister however derives great pleasure from the mere exchange of handwaves with politicians on their campaigning drive. I on the other hand am bored by all these. No bloodshed. No tears. No fight for freedom. The issues they bring forward are mere benign nags. *yawns* I'm not even going to venture on, i might need to register for that. OUtaHere.

I'm back!! Technically my exams are over. Ok only technically. My last paper is on wednesday. Ahh, so what can i say... The pain of exams is almost over and im pretty content with myself despite knowing the number of questions i skipped because i really didnt know what it was asking for. Screw all that. I've developed a deep hate for smokers. Yeah, even smokers who gave smoking up for a tad and then get back to it again. Oh yes daddy, I'm talking about you. When you get a heart attack, dont expect me to sit by your bed and cry for you. Just a minor request though, if you intend to die because of some smoking-related disease, do that after I get a job ok. That way, at least i would be able to take over your responsibilities without much difficulties cause it seems like you dont give a damn about us no more. Seems like sucking smoke is all too pleasurable for you that you'd choose smoking shit over us. While im on this issue, I think the sucker who came up with this smoki...

All is well...NOT! Im way behind schedule. My studies are supper lagging. Bugger me! Argh...Im a mess! *breathe* I need that SPA package I've been dreaming of. better still let my ferry terminal dream come true. :) Sweet indulgence. Yes, I still have got the hots for him. If you dont know what the hell i'm talking about, then you shouldnt even be here. Skip away before its too late. Fondling with my sanity. I'm not too fond of it though. Sanity makes me think too much and thinking too much makes me slow. SLOW!

Its been a pretty rough week. Hopefully I'll regain my balance and not crumble into pieces of utter failure. Claryce, Sherlin, Hidayah you guys have been amazing at trying to keep on my toes and not wither in this storm of pressure. Asilah, gerl, we are in the same boat and if you weren't here with me, man, I'd have just tip over the nearest parapet wall. God bless you guys! I love you all!!! My parents, they are the pillar of life without which i'd be ground zero and nothing more. My beloved sisters, I thank god for having them with me. Five years of plain misery and eight years later i have two bundles of joy. :) I love them all to bits. These are the souls whose very existance spurred me on. No dear god, no, its not like on the brink of suicide or anything like that. Puhlease! I just figured there would be a point in time when i would like to thank that special groups of people I feel made a true difference in my life, and here it is, the time has come. People come, ...

I damn you to the depths of hellfire Fuel to the mighty flame Be one with all the other degenerates as thyself You are nothing but a thing of the past Limbs to dusts Dusts to insignificant matter Condemned for all eternity... That speaks for itself doesn't it? *pure anger*

My arse hurts. I can't study, but i tried. My tummy's been unsettled these past days. I am lost, in all the damn sense it can take. Currently listening to my sister harping on bullshitty love. Geez... She does want a slap. Im out.

Just purrfect. My exams are coming up in about 3 weeks and i've yet to have done any concrete revision. You know, this always happens. I've lost count of how many bloody times i told myself to start studying early instead of freaking out at the 11th hour. Hell, its never effective. So again, the sinking feel has dominated me. That feeling of failure looming in the corners ahead, the ominous signs of defeat that perpetually appears when u least expect it to. Whatever it may be, its here. Damnation! I foresee failure yet again. Always. Argh... Forget that. Anyways, i realise how my taste in men changes over time, rather perculiarly, if i may be truthful. First i had a thing for spiky headed lads, then i was more attracted to bald headed dudes. The shaven ones mind you, not the ones punished by nature. Thereafter, the vampiry long locks became my point of interest. Following that, which defines the lads i like now, they are the rough muscle men. Yeah, build like our modern day Her...