Mundane Nothings

Yeah whiny i sure am, jaded too. The all too familiar zest, tanginess, spiciness, that bit of jolt that keeps you moving is absent in me. I'm however not sure when it came but i sure am aware of its absence now. I need that feel. I neeeeed it! Without it, i feel like a nobody, a mere hollow being, a wanderer with no direction. I am a product of my environment. The constant penetration of unhealthy chippings messes up my scheduled brain activities. I need to cut off that supply of poison and get a hold of my head. For goodness sakes, i am my own master. Now that I've even found my own footing, the shutting off of unhealthy inputs should be feasible. Yeah. I feel much better already. Like a load of my head. The other half of it is still pinning down on me though. Perhaps a day at the beach would do me some good. As a matter of fact, I think all these imbalance are a result of the lack of beach-bonding. I miss the sea. I miss being submerged in it. Damn, the last time i was ever s...

I got my results, I didnt fail any, Yay! Ok done with that. Next. When I grow up I wanna be one of the Charlie's Angels. I want to save the world with the special skills I've acquired over my younger years. I want to fight the villains and kick their asses. I would love to race them to the depths of the siberian desert to where the stolen diamonds were planted. Beat them flat and then lift off to Charlie's office for a debrief. Trod through flames, run through valleys and swim through oceans. I wanna be one of the Charlie's Angels!!! At the rate im going, to only skill i have today is my adroit procrastination. So hire me Charlie, I can learn from your girls. Please hire me Charlie.

My throat has been itching for the past couple of days and it induces freakily throaty coughs, i never thought i was capable of letting out. Its just insane. I was helping my sister out with some poem she had to do. And somehow, after giving her some insights, recommendations and what i thought of her poem, she said, "Thats so your style of writing." I snapped my mouth shut at that. I mean, seriously, I have a certain style of writing? Woah. A part of me is just dying to gloat at that flattering comment, the other part of me is just pondering at the extent and the path i took to actually develope a certain 'style' of writing. Nevermind. Dump that. So, I was extensively blog hopping today. It was like I had NOTHING to do at all. But no i had plenty, its just that I didnt want to do them. Oh crap, truth be told, my biological system is suffering a glitch since the arrival of my mum's mother other daughter. Yeah the unwanted aunt. There you go, don't fault me for...

My aunt came today. A surprise it sure was, but not a pleasant one i must say. Well, I dont hate her, but i don't adore her either. We move on a rather distantly neutral note, and are quite far from your conventional aunt-niece relationship. Truth be told, I think her children are blessed with a way better uncle-aunt-niece-nephew relationship than I. Yeah, my parents are wonderful aunts/uncles. Sometimes it leaves me a tad envious of them. Which kinda explains why I'm ALSO distant from them in terms of chemistry and relationship, apart from the inevitable distant, read metres. They live in malaysia and we only meet when we feel like meeting them. You see, we frequent KL, but most of times we would hinder from visiting them and go about our merry shopping spree. Coz spending too much time with them just opens up old healing wounds. I speak for myself here. So thats a part of my severely dysfunctional family. Besides my parents and sisters, the members of the extended family are ...

I love sweet short messages. Been getting some fair share of that lately. So is my sister. Ha! Good nite, I'm tucking in now, take care, sweet dreams, good morning, i'm online now. Ok neglect the last one, thats just a tad anti climax. But hey, you get the drift yeah. The intriguing other is always a wonder to watch. There's so much to speculate despite the very fact that only a smatter of it would ever come true. But dreams they'll be, for dreams spurs me on and they are these dreams that keep me awake so i could fall asleep again, to dream. Sweet pleasureble dreams. Dreams of vision, success, bliss. Short they may be, but still capable of fueling thoughts that go beyond the surface of our movements. Covering dimensions that were once undiscovered and fishing out solutions that are abstract yet feasible... Dream people, for now, it seems to be the most effective dope for survival.

Today, I was awaken by my neighbour's cat! Oh yes, it just sauntered into my ROOM and hopped on to my bed. Can you bloody believe that?! That feline, carelessly walked into the wrong unit and still has the audacity to climb up my bed. Geez. I was still neatly tucked in under my blanket mind you, when suddenly i felt a depression on my abdomen. Opened my eyes and there it was, that furry feline and its pair of marbled eyes. Ok lah, for a moment there I thought it was Christmas and daddy finally gave in to my wanting a cat all these years. But hell no, Daddy was at work and we have not even arrived at June. Buggeration. Oh and thanks to that feline, i actually got up at half past 10. Now that is by far the earliest I've been up this month. ;) Nice gooing. My tummy is having a headache by the way. Yeah, its spinning and throbbing and hurting me so much. If this goes on for the next couple of days, perhaps I could grow immune to its activities. Ne need for doctors and such, coz the...

Lo and behold! I am bored. Bored to the core of my bones. Ok lo and behold again. Muzzy is online. Ok, i feel very much naked after exposing myself on webcam, yes he has seen me. And now he wants my address. Im so screwed. WHats worse is that he has a reason for wanting my address, he wants to send me a Birthday gift!!! If i give him my address, and the gift does arrive, then i my parents will ask where i got this friend from. I would have to say online and they would jump and accuse me of chatting, not that thats even bad, but in their eyes chatting is t he pollution of the mind. Jack Daniel'S says: wht is your home adress Memento Mori says: my home address? Jack Daniel'S says: yes Jack Daniel'S says: yess Jack Daniel'S says: yes Memento Mori says: why? Jack Daniel'S says: i want your home adresss NOWWW Memento Mori says: yes but if you send anything at all, my parents are going to know about you and i will have to explain to them and they will know that i chat and...

My sister thinks I am TAMAK. Well, I'm not always like that ya know. But i cant argue with her when it comes to hot papas. Seriously, being single and devoid of ever experiencing the presence of a sweet divine specimen around me, I am TAMAK when it comes to them. Ah, despite my feminist antics at times, i still covet the touch of the other. THE OTHER. I hate them but i want them. Shameless. Bloody shameless. The mystery of the other. It never fails to intrigue me. How, how do you know if that particular other is the one? The ONE. Is it written all over his face or something? Why is it that its so easy for my friends to know if a guy likes them and within a week, voila, they are together. Damn, I sure am missing out on a part of this peculiar equation. Attachment sucks! I cant read about it from a book nor compare a situation from a given blueprint. Its the annoyance of a lifetime. So TAMAK I will be...

G'day. After two episodes of painful, forceful, torturous push of molten waste, i think i have finally learnt my lesson. I am not made to ingest yellow noodles. That would include Mee Goreng mamak or whatever it is call, yea that fried mee, prawn mee, hokkien mee and all the mee that is of the same period as it is a.k.a dan segala mee-mee yang sewaktu dengannya. It sure sounds better in malay. I should just stick to pastas and rice. My pathetically lonely stomach is pretty fussy. Pathetic and lonely, synonamous to its owner. As I trod down orchard road, I past throngs of couples, hand in hand, endless smiles, fondling hands and active loins. The rage over having the other half beside you... it's really evident with the prevalence of these living artefacts. I hate this. Independent woman. What happened to that idealogy? Why have women grown so dependent on men? Men are known to fleet from one bud to another, with no regard whatsoever to feelings, emotions nor untangible consider...

I've got a week full of tuition, ok its just short of thursdays now. Its not that I'm unhappy or upset about it, i mean even though i do occasionally feel a tad suffocated and lifeless, I like it. For now. A.maths however gives me the creeps. I need to crack my tiny little head just to solve one pathetic problem!! Its frustrating, actually, the part where the knowledge that I'm being paid is much more aggravating. Oh lord, rescue me, no no, give me back the a.maths part of my brains please. Ok, this is insane, my Chris Daughtry has been ousted out of Americano Idola!!! Thats about the most heartbreaking news of the erm...day. argh! Amerriccaannss! He is an amazing singer, perhaps NOTHING like your Ruben or Fantasia or Kelly, in fact better! Ahh, things never seem to go my way! My slutty life. Ok so now, where is that boyfriend you promised me oh god? Huh! We made a deal here eh. You know what, nevermind. FORGET it. Perhaps I should just sell my soul to the devil and get som...

Aspirations N Inspirations. If you have that couple of elements constantly bubbling around in your head, you are on the right track. You live for a reason, not merely because of a mistake committed by two souls at the backseat of a car or after a night's deep of martinis. You need these two suckers to get you to a point where a reason to live is found and not allow misery or hollowness to devour the very essence of your existence. Aspiration, a much needed element to keep you on your feet. You need that extra something or someone who is up there to show their faces and light the path. I know, that sounds pretty cliche and rather idealistic. However, life is designed to work in the most peculiar of ways. It dishes out shit and you my friend are expected to either shield yourself from it or clean up after the mess. The mess, its not merely a materially unpleasant sight, it happens to also include the baggage of emotional and mental mess, distress. Therefore, we need that bit of prowe...

Void + empty + boredom = silly + stupid My exact condition at the moment. I spent my entire half of the day messing around with the cam and I wasnt alone. Hehe... Pea C was doing so as well at the other end of my msn connection. Just taking a time out from the real world. Let the child in me loose, for thats a first step toward embracing inner peace, tranquility, sedation. heh. Who am I kidding...

Exams officially over and trampled on! I got my webcam. So did claryce, and im waiting for her to get online so we could test it out. Suddenly, I'm invaded by that sickeningly void feeling. Where emptiness is your daily meal and its enough to leave you faint. The skirt I was dying to make, the books that I so wanted to read, the language I was so hyped up about learning all seem so distant away and yeah, kinda foreign. Like a schidzo i am! Argh. Now I'm bored.

I am going to sew my self a skirt! Hell yeah. I've seen too many episodes of Project Runway to stop me from sewing myself toward insanity. I have a concoct of colours and designs all strung up, up there, but I cant quite get things together though. Despite all that, I am going to design me a skirt I can call me own. So why skirts? Why not scarfs or socks or tinier stuff? Well, for starters, skirts are easier to visualise. Its like building a vertical tube or a tunnel orientated vertically. Besides, the materials used for its fabrication can be manipulated according to one's individual taste. Yeah, and I love skirts, for now. Especially Gypsy skirts cause its not really widely exploited here. Meaning... NOT many peeps are using it here. Bleargh, I am so sick of walking down the streets and stumbling upon an entire army of people with clothes similar to mine! Its frustrating. I have always been different. Different in both good and bad ways, and I'm not about to make this poi...