Mundane Nothings

Stuck in my head: Meet me Halfway, Kenny Loggins Finding for a way to make it back.

I have something to write. Damn. I had something to write. When I think deeper, i realise, I've already written about that in some previous posts. I'm running out of things to write on. My bitchiness has run dry. Arghweoiyifgt! Its Global warming!

I googled my name. Its a ritual thing. No one could really understand it, I don't either, but I just do it. I mean come on, even Fabregas submits to the calls of the Google Master. I found a weird website thats probably in german or some crazy ass scandinavian tongue. It says this... AN alvinna lah! But really, this is, well, interesting. Blend the mixture at low speed huh, for THIRTY seconds, and heres the strangely accurate part, ADD SADNESS. Gee thanks. First I have difficulties relating to the many 'happy' in my sentences, now you need to add sadness to make me?! Life is indeed, really, seriously, absolutely mocking at me...

Big mistake. I got bored and so i logged on to FB and surfed around. I cruised by profiles of people i've met at some point in my life. They all looked rather happy, with arms so happily circling their respective beaus. Some Happily married. Others Happily attached. Oh so happily taking in whatever yummy delicacies life toss their way. I am depressed. I hate it. I hate them. I hate. HATE! I've never used so many happy in a paragraph and NOT feel a single one of it. Oh! Great! Bobby McFerrin just had to be singing," Don't worry, be happy" at this very moment. Life is mocking at me. Fate is swallowing me whole and spitting me back out. Don't worry, just be fucking happy!

PP was a mess. TBP was a pandemonium. From the time i stepped into the exam hall and was fretting over the mere fact that I couldn't see the clock right down to the last fifteen minutes. Bluek. I hate exams. Im getting too old for exaMs. I just had to be sitting and waiting outside my exam venue, minutes away from the real deal when it dawned upon me that if i don't pass all my modules this semester and the next, I'm not gonna be able to graduate. Yeah, I've never failed any but that is not to say it couldn't happen. Knowing how awful lady-luck has been treating me, I should be expecting the worst! BLEAH. My brains are aching. I should be preparing for my next papers, but what the hell. I need a break. Two hours, brooding over pages of incoherent words, with a useless column smacked before my forehead is about as taxing as things could get. I'm tired. Somehow not tired enough to stiffle my cravings. Yeah. Colours are better. But they make me wanna puke. I tried...

They look like crap. But thankfully, they taste quite the same as my previous batch. Stress drives me to the kitchen. I know...A schoolgirl, all stressed out, bending over my packet of flour and swiping the forehead with the back of my sugar coated palms...a typical blue tape scene. Ok no, I haven't seen any, at least not from the start, ok no... I managed a peek at porn in some crazy hotel in Bintan, but that was an accident. You know what, forget I said anything! Whatever. I feel like a certain Ms UnLoved updating her blog man. Paranoia creeps in. Again, whatever. Anyways, studying makes me feel sick. Lets leave it alone. I can't wait for Santa's Naughty Party! I haven't got the prezzies yet though. Thats the first thing on my to-do list. After speaking with Sherlin, yes we had a serious talk today. I wanted to talk to her about something in my life that meant ssso ssooo much to me. I knew she was the best person to speak to about this. Coz sometimes, there are thing...

Shakespeare wrote "If he be married, my grave is like to be my wedding bed." But that didn't prepare me for today's miseries. I'd have prefered... "If he be Gay , my grave is like to be my wedding bed."

I get complacent all too easily. Times like these, when you know the exams are lurking, and if you are anything like me, You'd wanna go places. Yes, the sudden urge to wanna roam and run free jolts awake. You can't shush it or console it with empty promises coz he sees right through it. The lies, the pretense. There is nothing I can do but to submit to it. Relent to it and maybe it will go away. Thats why I've been anywhere but home when the sun is seen. My bed is that Succubus who tempts me, seduces me away from the calls of the books. Argh! Like Shakespeare's writer's block, i'm having a bitch-block. What I'm basically saying is that, I can't fucking study. I can't understand my notes. Especially when I'm reading fucking George's notes. I always have this scene playing in my head, where I grab a handful of toothpicks and carelessly lodge them into his eyes. I am that helpless. He and his notes drive me mad. Really, a module couldn't get...

I had a great dinner today. A catch up on the bitchings and gossips that I've missed over these few years. The star of the dinner wasn't there though. Vern vern vern. Nonetheless, it was awesome. The babes who made my Jc years worth the pain. I heart you people. I always imagine friends to come easy and leave just as easily. I'm starting to feel like i'm making a blatant assumption there. I have friends who stick around. Friends who move out of the crowd to pick you up when you stumble and fall. Friends who ask around for tissue so you could wipe your tears. Friends who share their chocolate bar with you even when there's only one tiny block left. You guys make me feel loved. I love you. How can I NOT post this up? I have another dozen of such shots in my SD Card. Yes, Daya's a perfectionist and Dayah just couldn't look like she's lifted off the ground. So we took the shots, again and again and again....Many times over. My knees hurt and my backs screami...

Last night, I dreamt about Santa. He was crying to me. He asked me to come up with a wish-list so he won't have to fail another year. I sympathised. SO, I told him, I will have it up by 10am. Here i am... Anything turquoise thats wearable. ;) That includes, T-shirts, dresses, tunics, panties, bra etc etc. Accessories. Holding the Man, Timothy Conigrave Yes its a book, that I can't seem to find. So santa...please... 4. A man. Coz if I can't read the above book at least let me Hold MY man. 5. Chocolates. Loads and loads of chocolates See, i told you i have simple wants. ;)

A day of languid thoughts. Righteous and unrighteous. I sat carelessly on the beachfront cabana, sipping my mojitos and periodically sucking in a lung full of rolled Habanos. The splendid sun at its peak, sizzling any unwanted worries. I was thoroughly entertained by my cabanaboy's rendition of Dirty Dancing as well as his doe-like eyes. They twinkle in mischief when he steers past sexual innuendos. He thinks its funny, I didn't, but I laughed nonetheless.At him, at me, at the rest of the world. A small price to pay to keep him within reach. The hell. Who am i kidding? That's a wish even santa couldn't grant. Reality was a whole lot more mundane. I was stuck at fucking Pasir Ris Park today. Yeah, no studies, yet again. I'm probably gonna fail mighty bad for my exams. No surprise. I'm saying this not to console myself or brag about how much importance i've placed on academic excellence, rather...I'm saying this coz its really whats happening. Its serious...

How did my week go? Well, lets see... I've woken up 30minutes before tutorial starts and had no choice but to skip it coz i live an hour and a half away. I've scrambled in blind madness into a seemingly vacant seat only to be told that its occupied. I've sat on a Foldable chair and was within seconds devoured by it, yes, it collapsed under me, says a lot about my weight doesn't it? No! Don't even try to refute that. Oh, and I managed to be tormented by a cockroach this entire week, still is actually. La Cucaracha. Urgh, its super-huge, looks like some mutated creature that escaped from some science lab and he (that annoying, its gotta be a male) stalks me. Yes. Only i can see him, apparently he's too chickened out to appear before my parents or my sisters for that matter. He is still around, the last time i saw him, he was doing a victory dance in the kitchen sink. I scurried away and never returned to the kitchen. This ain't fair. Anger leaves me stammering...

My reluctant confessions. I need to get it out of the system. Oh lord, forgive me for i have sinned. I have allowed the massive settlement of sheer hate for some passing souls i have encountered. I have allowed malice to reside within me and build a monumental shrine of diabolical tendencies. It has progressed so swiftly over the weeks that I think it might just be too late to destroy it. I am afraid. I am very afraid I'd turn out to be one of those lost-caused-rebel lusting for other people's fall. I have also ben snooping around strangers' blogs. Well, they aren't exact strangers, just people whom i haven't and probably don't wanna meet. Its complicated. But I have faith in you, you'd know how to eradicate this sinking feeling in me and please steer me away from ever being anything like them . Ever. Forgive me. Change me. God transcends all, he reads blogs. I'm sure he does. Ok, thats done now. Exams are beckoning to me. I say go to hell. They giggle i...

My very own PICTURE PERSONALITY Results. Temperament Idealist You are the quintessential dreamer - spending more time thinking about the possibilities that the world holds for you, rather than your reality. You don't settle for anything less than what you truly desire and you work very hard. You tend to live in every place except the present - you are prone to daydreaming about the future and re-thinking the choices you made in the past. Sometimes you get overly caught up in your thoughts. Interests Thrill Seeker You are interested in anything that is exciting and pleasurable. You're not afraid to indulge yourself - you live by your own set of rules and don't allow yourself to get hung on what others think. For the most part, you are independent and do whatever you please to do. Trying to stop you from doing something only makes you want it even more. At the end of the day - you live for life's most thrilling moments. Amusement Adventurous It's a good thing that you...

Two words SHUT UP. People should learn to sometimes hold their thoughts and close they pine hole. The world would be a much better place to live in.

Today was one of those aimless urban wandering days. I loved it. I like things to be random and unplanned. Lunch at Changi Village and a no 2 to Clarke Quay. There was some Regatta crap going on at the Singapore River. Never really thought much of it. Just a bunch of dragon boaters competing against others like themselves. If you know anything about me at all, you'd know how much I never really fancied dragon boaters...those people strut around with their oars, looking like they are prepared for the next tsunami thats gonna hit Singapore. Buey tahan. Anyways, there were tonnes of them there. Now, I finally got to see what 'Crazy Elephant' looked like. Ha. But hey, let me be the first to admit that i was there in broad DAYLIGHT. Not in the evening when things are suppose to be much more alive and thus would essentially legitimize my 'partying' experience. Nah, it was a sunny afternoon and I wasn't hugged or grinded. :) Besides my dad would throttle them. Thereaft...

Alrightey. Some of the pieces of my brain has crawled back in place...SOME. Where do i even start? It was just magical. Theres no exaggeration in that. My mum and dad were so obliging to me...I still haven't figured that part out. They were nice to my friends too, but my dad called me a bloody fool though...Pui...I wanted to spank him. Bloody tough love. Gee thanks. But everything went on perfectly well. I'm on cloud 9. Friends are awesome, they become magical when you are able to share them with the family. That pretty much summarises my 2nd part of the yearly house invasions. *smiles* I couldn't quite word out this sense of utter euphoria I'm experiencing as i browse through the photographs we have gathered this evening. A concoction of blatant bliss and calmness beyond my usual capacity. Indeed sherlin, 'fun' is an understatement. My thanks. Many thanks to the gerls (Adeline, Asilah, Clarce, Hui Li, Jing Xian & SherLin, Jia Hui missed it though, next year...

Hari Raya outing. It was awesome! Muy Muy fantastico. I will talk a lil about that after i get my head back. Man...I'm shagged and filled to the brim. ;)