Dream on.

2011 has been quite a pain, thus far. I am sure it's not about to get any better, but what can I do about it? Na da. Not a thing. No matter how hard I try, there is bound to be something or someone horrible that would crop up. Work, is my greatest worry this year. Work and not having enough fun. I have always been contented with the fact that I am able to not compromise my hedonistic wants yet, still be able to deliver the 'goods'. I am so afraid that the job I have signed myself to is about to stifle me. I find myself thinking about work, even on a beautiful Saturday morning. My weekends are spent contemplating the week's worth of work and what I shoulda/oughta/coulda done over the last weeks. This is bad. I am not going to even attempt to defend my actions. It is not what I would sincerely like to do. I used to enjoy the experience I get from teaching. My contract years left me smiling at the end of the day as I saw my kids out of the classroom doors with their homework and the days worth of learning all stashed in the bottom of their ginormous bags. "Goodbye, Have a NICE day", they would say. The 1pm bell rang and I smiled. My heart at ease, and I call it a day.

Gone were those days. The 1pm bell no longer had that soothing effect on me. It now serves as a painful reminder. The real work begins. The job prior to 1pm is still beautiful though. The kids, their antics, the constant nagging (mostly on my part), the occasional burst of exasperation (again, on my part), the cheeky pranks, the playtime, the mass silent reading, the exodus to the school canteen and the list goes on. I love these parts. Call me crazy, I even secretly love the mad race to the finishing line of the week's worth of syllabus. It is fun. However, the very moment I hear the 1pm bell, my heart sinks. For it is time I become an adult again. Working with adults, responding to adult demands, making adult choices.

And that is a snapshot of my 2011.

I have no other option but to rant here, just to keep my sanity in check. Of course, the power of visual aids should never be undermined as well. When the going gets tough, the tough watches porn, or anything empowered to bring a wet-panty moment. :)

Gambatte.