Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Stop and think.
In need of that. I need to quite literally stop and think. This bit is kinda time-consuming and a downer at some point hence I deliberately not wanna embark on that during my very short break. Yes, too short to be called a break if I consider the sleepless nights I had, reluctantly thinking about the prospect of heading back to a shit-load of work. So, I'm doing that screeching to a halt bit and then take some time out to sort out my action plan in order to stay afloat. I'm feeling the sting from the toxicity that's inevitably around me. Perhaps I am being too sensitive. Perhaps, not. You see where I am heading with this...no where.
I need to constantly remind myself that what people think of me should not matter. What they say too, should not matter. I need to stay independent because that's just who I am. I work best alone. I need to stop frowning because other than speeding up my aging process, it does not yield any benefits whatsoever. I need to stop thinking about other people and perhaps be a little selfish and put myself first. The first half of the year has taught me that if I do not see to my needs and welfare, no one else will. The workplace is nothing like home. At least, I have my parents to molly-coddle me at times when I need that most. Not so at the workplace.
Truth be told, I am beginning to despise my job. Like I've said earlier I love the kids but 'adult' part of the job just puts me off. I need time to hone my teaching skills, to collect and create teaching materials in order to have a well-engaged lesson plan. My status quo does not allow me to do so because I need to ensure that the level progresses at a pace prescribed by the people up there. People who do not feel the woes and pain we, the 'bottom' people face.
People behave differently depending on what they need and how useful you are to them. Among this breed, the lot that intrigues me the most includes the ones who are not hindered by humility. I am baffled by how much they can talk about themselves like they are really that great. Even if they were great, their greatness dwindles manifold merely due to the fact that big-yaps erodes the novelty of one's perceived greatness.
I've said a lot. I shall stop here and observe more. Perhaps being a wallflower suits me best afterall.
One thing for sure, I'm not staying here for long. ¶ 12:26 AM
I need to constantly remind myself that what people think of me should not matter. What they say too, should not matter. I need to stay independent because that's just who I am. I work best alone. I need to stop frowning because other than speeding up my aging process, it does not yield any benefits whatsoever. I need to stop thinking about other people and perhaps be a little selfish and put myself first. The first half of the year has taught me that if I do not see to my needs and welfare, no one else will. The workplace is nothing like home. At least, I have my parents to molly-coddle me at times when I need that most. Not so at the workplace.
Truth be told, I am beginning to despise my job. Like I've said earlier I love the kids but 'adult' part of the job just puts me off. I need time to hone my teaching skills, to collect and create teaching materials in order to have a well-engaged lesson plan. My status quo does not allow me to do so because I need to ensure that the level progresses at a pace prescribed by the people up there. People who do not feel the woes and pain we, the 'bottom' people face.
People behave differently depending on what they need and how useful you are to them. Among this breed, the lot that intrigues me the most includes the ones who are not hindered by humility. I am baffled by how much they can talk about themselves like they are really that great. Even if they were great, their greatness dwindles manifold merely due to the fact that big-yaps erodes the novelty of one's perceived greatness.
I've said a lot. I shall stop here and observe more. Perhaps being a wallflower suits me best afterall.
One thing for sure, I'm not staying here for long. ¶ 12:26 AM
