CB Day 5- fast turning into a knn moment

It's day 5 of Circuit Breaker. We call it CB, apt name for what we are in right now. The above image kept appearing in my mind. I want out of this. I want to be able to step out and fly out and chase waterfalls and bum by the beach and sip a glass of pina colada and hang out by my pipe of grape mint shisha. That's my perfect vacay. I did not get any of that since 2020 started. All I'm riding on is the memories of 2019. On hindsight, I realised what a joy 2019 had been. Awesome bumble dates, nice meetups, joyous reunions and great adventures.

What has 2020 been? A fucking pain. And even that mind you, is an understatement.

I've been working my butt off without even hitting the gym. By gym, I mean yoga studio and Van's muay thai gym. Those were my staple weekly pleasures. Yes, my life has been a bore. It peaks when the school holidays kick in. That's been the cycle all along, or at least since I was last here. I work like mad, bitch a lot (in silence or with a select few), plan a massive get away and look forward to shipping myself off during the school holidays- to faraway places I know I won't be bumping into colleagues or students. I like that. It drives me. When I come back, I'll be ready once again to take on the world (my tiny world here in sg). And when that energy depletes, which usually happens in 10 weeks (aka the end of the term), I scoot off to another obscure country, get recharged and come back raring to go (for another 10 weeks). That kept me alive. 2020 however, dashed all my hopes of keeping to that cycle. It fucked it up silly, threw in a pandemic to mess the whole cycle up and grounded basically the entire world.

I'm not one to admit I feel depressed, but here, right now, if I were to entertain my inner thought and the voices in my head, I am definitely battling a bout of depression. My energy is zapped out and I feel shitty all the time. It really doesn't help  that work is opening up a whole pandora's box of uncertainties. Painful, unguided, unknown uncertainties. People I look up to for direction aren't exactly helpful in this CB state. I am on my own. My colleagues are on their own. We do what we can to keep this Home-based learning going. Hopefully, the students can reciprocate and get the learning going...

Conundrum. And a shit pile of mess.

That's why the picture above is a much needed wave of hope. That was Christmas in Medellin. Happy times. All of these shall pass in a matter of time, right?