In batches, like cookies huh?

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The uncertainty is flipping me inside out. Being at the edge, day in, day out, isn't quite what i was expecting. There is only so much I can take without relinquishing my entire grasp on whats left of that thing called sanity. No one to turn to, no where to head for, for answers. What tough luck.

Flushed through by a swarm of regretful woes. Decisions that could have been better made beckon for me with heads hung low. I could have done more. Could I, really?

So this is how it feels like to be stuck in a corner with floorboards that could easily give way. Nothing to hold on to. Now I get it. I'm not after marriage, nor am I after a lucrative career. It is this intangible satisfaction that I'm ruthlessly hunting down. Sad to say, I'm not even a mile close to it. Robotic routines took me over and I'm riding on a path with no more crossroads.



It all suddenly seem so meaningless. Achievable nothings. Mindless race of the restless. Empty crusades. I refuse to use the word 'suffocating' because it under-quotes the present state i've thrown myself in. 'Pathetic would paint my picture with precise accuracy. I'm in a state of utter pathetic-ness that it saddens me to have to think about it. I wish I could just dunk my head in this murkiness, spread my hands and feign ignorance. Let the tide wash me off when it wields itself to. It's exhausting.

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