My status quo. What is it again? My big, like really big boss handed me a letter from the Bigger than big boss. It says that I'm a Geo 1.1. Whatever that is. I didn't want to read that letter but the words "1 year of probation" caught my attention. And it didnt help that my bosses were telling me how I'm now "legal." Now that, mind you, isn't as good as it used to sound. You know how when you were 15, you can't wait to reach 16 coz that makes you bloody well "legal" yeah. Its like a bloody big whoop somehow. And then when you reach 16 you realise the only damn good thing about it is that you could now watch shows rated NC-16. Thats about it. Oh and you can have sex 'legally' but you still can't drink. Which by the way doesn't make much sense. Tell me now, which one gives you a higher high? Ok don't. Maybe its a way of curbing your 'high'. Coz everyone knows alcohol and sex complement each other. Perhaps THEY know it. And they also know that too much of smtg sooo damn good is bad for us. Debauchery. Sinful, so THEY had to do smtg to curb the indulgence, hence the legal age. Now where was I?

Oh yes, my newfound "legal" status, though not in the sense of age and its limitations. It bears the same concept. Nothing wonderful about being a "legal" educator (for lack of a better word). It just leaves me straddling that line between two very distinct personae (I just wanted to use this word, it helps that its apt in my context *winks*). I've inevitably, though more accurately, unconsciously constructed two identities that are worlds apart. It also doesn't help that I just can't seem to find a common link between both that could possibly make my switch seamless. Work and play. The imbalance is taking a toll on me. I need both, though, more of the latter. I need time to psyche myself into believing that it is ok, normal even, to have identities that you switch in and out of at different points of the day. It is ok. And if I don't, I'll be too caught up trying to perfect one while the other deteriorates and disappears with a part of me. And THATS what I'm fucking feeling right now! This is my Aha moment by the way. I've been trying to figure out why I can't seem to breathe easy when I'm at work, and this ladies and gentlemen is the very reason for that. Too caught up, worrying my pretty head over the possibilities and impossibilities of work to the point where I neglect my other wants, needs rather. Needs. I need to have time to laugh and just smile as the world walks me by.

I'm sure time and a mighty long weekend will nudge me back in shape.

I need the beach. Theres nothing the beach can't heal.