I'm sick.
I see nothing. The thoughts seem clear, but really its a delusion covering up for utter emptiness. Monochrome seem to be the world i live in. Surrounded with either only black or white. Thick lines of different degree of boldness motions around me. I see them clearly, but i know not what they are, who they are or why they're there. I used to care. I used to be a tad more empathetic than i am now. I knew something was amiss when i sensed no sympathy whatsoever for a cat who got itself stranded on the roof. Truth be told, I slept my way through the night anticipating the sight of a bloody mess at the ground level the following morning.
My alone time, used to be a timeout i take to condition my mind. Programme it to think not only for its own good but also for the good of others. To never hurt others nor disregard their needs. Now, i just couldnt give a damn. Alone times are now moments when my brain activity comes to a complete standstill. I shut my eyes and along with that, everything else shuts, heart, mind and soul. It gives me the creeps.
My nights seem longer than my days. This is not caused by the usual cycle of the earth but rather, my insolence and disrespect to life. I am a reculcitrant. A brat who loves overindulging herself in a primary sinful pleasure. My attention is undivided and i feed on that one, sole, caramel coated, pleasure. There will be no distractions, i will devour this indulgence till the point of staleness. When that happens, i move on to the next quest of self corruption and never take a step back to the one before...
I am an evil person. By default that is. However, fret not people, it can be curbed or at least exploit to reap benefits. I thrive on sinful pleasures, just as i thrive on changes. Whats happening here is that I have managed to dispel all elements of self corruption in my life and try to live one thats littered with saintly yearnings and beliefs. Obviously, its not working out too well for me. Thrown me into a state of solemn emptiness it did. Balance is what i need. To care can usually spiral you into a web of hate and malice, which is why, i initially felt that being ignorant would serve my soul a better purpose. I was wrong. An equilibrium where both evil and good prevails should be sought after. Hail La Chatelier!
To be good i need to be evil sometimes. You just have to give a fuck! All puns intended.
*The cat was by the way rescued by the SPCA in the early morning hours after my mum frantically called practically every bleeping number she sees on the emergency list; the police, town councils and the civil defence unit included.
My alone time, used to be a timeout i take to condition my mind. Programme it to think not only for its own good but also for the good of others. To never hurt others nor disregard their needs. Now, i just couldnt give a damn. Alone times are now moments when my brain activity comes to a complete standstill. I shut my eyes and along with that, everything else shuts, heart, mind and soul. It gives me the creeps.
My nights seem longer than my days. This is not caused by the usual cycle of the earth but rather, my insolence and disrespect to life. I am a reculcitrant. A brat who loves overindulging herself in a primary sinful pleasure. My attention is undivided and i feed on that one, sole, caramel coated, pleasure. There will be no distractions, i will devour this indulgence till the point of staleness. When that happens, i move on to the next quest of self corruption and never take a step back to the one before...
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You know whats weird about blogging? Well im not speaking for anyone but myself, i muse with the words and plain naked thoughts that radiates from my crown. The pain, the symptoms of a faulty biological system all spread out in lucid words and suddenly, it hits me! The problems, the causes, the solutions, though not neccessarily legitimate ones. It hits me nonetheless.
I am an evil person. By default that is. However, fret not people, it can be curbed or at least exploit to reap benefits. I thrive on sinful pleasures, just as i thrive on changes. Whats happening here is that I have managed to dispel all elements of self corruption in my life and try to live one thats littered with saintly yearnings and beliefs. Obviously, its not working out too well for me. Thrown me into a state of solemn emptiness it did. Balance is what i need. To care can usually spiral you into a web of hate and malice, which is why, i initially felt that being ignorant would serve my soul a better purpose. I was wrong. An equilibrium where both evil and good prevails should be sought after. Hail La Chatelier!
To be good i need to be evil sometimes. You just have to give a fuck! All puns intended.
*The cat was by the way rescued by the SPCA in the early morning hours after my mum frantically called practically every bleeping number she sees on the emergency list; the police, town councils and the civil defence unit included.
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